A few nights ago, I had a bit of a breakdown. Between hours of homework, lack of sleep, hundreds of fan emails, and countless comments- asking "whens ur next vid?" "where r u?" "why don't u post anymore?", I found myself in tears. I realized that I had spread myself too thin. Not only was I trying to get good grades, participate in theatre, and maintain a social life, I simultaneously running 2 youtube accounts, 2 blogs, 2 google + profiles, a flickr, an instagram, a facebook page, and a fan email. The messages and comments were piling up, many of them asking why I wasn't posting any videos.
I felt sick.
Never, ever in my life have I worked so hard. This year has been a struggle unlike anything I have ever experienced before. I don't mean to sound upset- I am actually loving life right now. However, I am doing school work for an average of 11 hours a day. I need to sleep too. And eat. And shower.
All around me, at school, I hear kids talking about how busy they are this year. It makes sense- we are all taking the SATs, researching for college, overloading ourselves with advanced placement courses and after school activities, but sometimes, I wonder. I am loading my schedule with the same rigor as the other students (in fact, I am taking 2 extra classes this year!!), but I also have to maintain my youtube! Most high-schoolers think this year is hard, but for me, honestly, I think it may be even worse!
Im not saying that other people don't work hard. They definitely do! However, most of my friends have something I don't: free time. They watch TV shows, go shopping on the weekends, and hang out with friends on Saturday night. Apparently, this is what normal teenagers do, but honestly, I can't relate.
That is the frustrating thing about my hobby. Being a youtuber is hard, because you have to schedule things on your own terms. For most other hobbies (take sports, for example), after practice and finishing homework, you are done for the day and can relax. With basilmentos, there is always something I should be doing. Even if I finish all my homework for the day (unlikely), there is always a video I should be filming or editing, or a blog I should be updating, a photo I should post... I can never truly relax.
I still love my dolls, making videos, and the AG community; I just find it frustrating that after doing 5 hours of homework, I log on to youtube to find comments asking: "why dont u make vids anymore?", "r u leaving agtube?", "u should post more often". I know I should be flattered that people miss me, but honestly, those comments make me sad. Really sad. I would love to post more, I would love to update my blog more, I would love to film all day and night and never have to worry about school again, but I can't. I can't. There is no way- no way within my human ability to keep up with the demand. I know it's sad, but for now, school comes first.
So, you may ask, what is the point of this whole blog post? Well, first of all, I just needed to vent. I feel like I have been pretty disconnected from AGtube (for reasons stated above), and I wanted to let you guys know what's going on with my life. Also, I wanted to tell you guys my plan for the next 6 months.
I am going to be "streamlining" basilmentos.
Don't worry, nothing terrible is going to happen- I am just cutting down on a few of my online accounts. I have been spending WAY too much time answering fan emails and scrolling through my instagram, while many of my other webpages have been neglected. I need to downsize- compress my online activity to fewer websites- and that is what I am doing today.
I started by deleting my facebook page. I never really found facebook to be a useful platform, and I almost never logged on. I had almost reached 2,000 likes, so it was a little sad to delete- but it needed to be done.
I also discontinued my flickr. I left all the photos up there, so it is still publicly viewable, but I won't be posting on there anymore. This way, I can concentrate all my photo related activity on my instagram.
I have also discontinued the doll's blog (basilmentosdolls.blogspot.com). I am leaving it up, because there is some pretty cute content there, but it won't be updated anymore.
Most importantly, I am changing my policy on fan email. I used to respond to every single message, even if it was just "hey anna when r u gonna post the next vid?", but now, that has to change. I will only be responding to messages that show clear effort and interest, or ask a question that is not answered on my FAQ page.
I will not be responding to messages anywhere except for my fan email. If you really need to reach me, please send me a message there.
Here are the active webpages profiles that I plan to continue:
1. basilmentos youtube
- I will try to post once a month
- I will try to post once a month
2. basilmento (backup+extras) youtube
- I will post every once in a while
- I will post every once in a while
3. This blog (for the awesomest of fans! :D)
- I will post whenever I have something important to say!
- I will post whenever I have something important to say!
4. my instagram (@annabasilmentos)
- I will update a few times a week
- I will update a few times a week
5. Fan Email (but only responding to well thought-out emails!)
- I will check about once a week
- I will check about once a week
So, yeah. Phew. I can already feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
It is still going to be a struggle, maintaining my schoolwork, youtube and social life, but hopefully this will make things easier.
I am so thankful for your support during my journey. It's amazing that I made it this far, and no matter how busy I become, AGtube will always hold a special place in my heart. I love you guys.
Also, you rock for reading this far! Here's an exclusive photo as a reward for your awesomeness!
